I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
