Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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