So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
