I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
