We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize