I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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