They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
