I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm getting married
To pizza
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
