I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Moan for me like Helen Keller
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
