oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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