Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
