it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
