guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
