I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
