Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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