I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize