and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
