they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
