seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
