I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
