Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
