your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The air was thick with penises
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
