Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize