Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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