she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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