so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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