M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
