he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
