Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
