I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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