since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize