I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
if only i could text you this smell
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
