he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
