Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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