Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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