So drunk its hurt
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
