I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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