You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
