dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
