Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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