Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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