I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize