She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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