Can i not drive my cunt home
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
