I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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