I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
