2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
