Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize