Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
