This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
