in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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