So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
