But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
