I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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