I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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