Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
handjob tips. give me some.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize