Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
porn star boner night. come get it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
