This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
