so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
