Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
