Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
