Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
