U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
