If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
