"it" just moved
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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