...so i touched it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
we should paint friendship bongs
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
