Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
