I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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