Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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