The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
