dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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