I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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