i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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