i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
