I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
