I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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